First Christmas without Jason

I remember last year how excited he was to decorate the house for us with his husband Chad when he found out we would be there for Christmas. I remember how excited we were not only to spend Christmas with my brother and his husband but also to spend Christmas in warmer Florida.

This year, it’s cold in Ohio. Six days before Christmas and there is snow on the ground. We won’t be traveling at all this year for the holidays because my parents are older, my father-in-law and step mother-in-law, are older too so we decided to stay home and spend time with them. My father is in wheelchair now and not as mobile.

As I look at my own Christmas tree though, my eyes are misty. In the short time we had to together, my favorite memories of Jason will always be related to Christmas. I’ll always remember shopping with him in Key West and how he told me I was his good luck charm when I sat in the passenger seat we always found the best parking seats. I loved the frame and photo he gave me for our first Christmas with himself and our brothers. It says on top of the frame, Family Forever No Matter what. He told me that he bought that photo frame before he even knew I was his sister, before the Ancestry DNA revelation. That made me smile. I recently switched out the photo to one that included me and our Aunt Becky.

I’m trying to make it out to Minnesota for Jason’s Celebration of life in January. It will probably just be me due to airline ticket prices. I’ll fly in on Saturday and home on Sunday. I need to be there to provide comfort and support to my biological father and step mother along with happy memories and the PowerPoint Memorial I made for Jason. I joked after the first Minnesota Christmas that we would never visit there in winter again but I know I need to be there.

This Christmas will be spent with family and friends but it will also be bittersweet. I am hoping the memories of my little brother will remain a gift always. The almost seven years I had with Jason were a gift that am grateful for, despite the heartbreak over his loss.