I put off writing this for a while. I knew I had to get down though because it is part of my journey to connect with my maternal family. I finally sat down and wrote it tonight.
On a weeknight just after my birthday, when Jason was at the cabin with his friends, and I was just sitting downstairs watching television with Phillip, I got a phone call from my maternal cousin Steve. I was thinking that maybe he just wanted to catch up because we hadn’t talked in awhile. It wasn’t that. He dropped a bombshell on me.
“Hi Dana.”
“Hi cousin, what’s up?”
“I have some sad news for you.”
I wondered what was going on. Everything seemed okay in the Cosier side of the family. “Okay…” I cautiously replied.
“Aunt Jill passed away yesterday.”
I almost dropped my cell phone. “What? I just saw her last month!”
“Are you okay?”
I fought back the tears. “Do you know if there will be any sort of memorial service for her?”
“She was cremated. Her husband has her ashes.”
There would be no closure. We had just started our relationship and I lost her. The only connection I really had to the Cosier family now was my half-sister and we were still working working our way into our relationship, and my cousins. I was devastated. I should have reached out to her sooner. I was her only niece still living in Ohio. Maybe I could have helped her. Maybe I could stopped her from smoking and drinking so much.
“Are you okay?” Cousin Steve asked as I pondered and processed this all in my head.
“I’ll be okay. Thank you for calling to let me know.”
After we disconnected our call, I told my husband what happened and hugged him tight, the next person I called was my mom and she told me she was sorry. She knew I had just recently met up with her. The next person I called was my half-brother Jason. I wanted to check in on him anyway to see how things were going at the cabin. I assured him I would be okay. Jason called our father anyway.
Dana Ann Ozak's true adoptee memoir.